The Oscar "Rant"

Ohhhhh.  I don't even know where to start this one.

First off, let me say the Oscars never did anything for me.  I've never been able to watch an Academy awards show all the way through without either getting disgusted, remarking how awful some people looked, or just falling asleep from sheer boredom.

This year, I watched maybe five minutes of it at the outside.  It was quite enough.  I preferred to wait till today to get the highlights (and LOWlights) of this year's colossal waste of money.

Seth McFarlane:  Stick to doing Family Guy.  It's funny, you're good at the voices and I love Brian and Quagmire.  The Academy Awards may not have been the right forum for "We Saw Your Boobies".  Juvenile, and some of the audience looked downright uncomfortable.  Yuck.

Jennifer Lawrence:  Beautifully dressed, and much deserving of the Best Actress award.  I saw Silver Linings Playbook and it was a great feel-good movie.  She was great in it.  I gave her props for looking so smooth (like it was SUPPOSED to happen) when she tripped up the steps.  Good one.  Adele:  I want your voice in my next life.  You make it seem so effortless.  And you looked great.

Some of the other "stars"... well, you could refrain from heavy drinking/drug use before going to the ceremony, and at least LOOK like you want to be there.  Several of the women (Jennifer Aniston) and a few of the men clearly needed to do something with their HAIR.  Like, you have money, for the love of Beelzebub, go GET YOUR HAIR DID.  If you're a guy, and you want to carry off the 'scruffy' look, please at least make it a clean scruffy look.  You can look scruffy and still look sexy.  All you gotta do is look like you took a bath.  And for pete's sake, BUY A MIRROR and use it.  Some of these gowns just didn't fit.  If you want to wear a strapless gown, maybe you should make sure you have something to hold it up with, and make sure you don't keep having to hike it UP every five seconds.  If you think a deep vee-neck gown showing your boobs being flattened down is attractive, look again.  It's NOT.

If it were up to me, the Oscars would look like this:  Host gets up, tells a few jokes (preferably FUNNY ones not cornball shit written by a sixth grader).  Introduce presenters.  Presenter, get up there, read the damn nominees without pretending YOU'RE going for the Oscar.  Cameraman, pan the audience for the nominees.  Presenter, announce the winner without the pregnant "American Idol" pause.  We don't need it.  Winner:  get up, wave to everyone, go to podium, accept your award graciously, say Thank You and GO SIT DOWN.

Nobody, at least I, don't give a shit who you voted for.  I don't care if you love every politician and have slept with half of them.  I don't care to hear about your views on gun control, how much you hate conservatives, immigration, the economy, the deficit, gay marriage or anything.  Just say 'thanks' and SIT THE F**K DOWN.

Tell me why in the holy name of Allah that the first "lady" had to be there?  Who paid for that little side trip?  Check your own paycheck if you don't know.  And I don't want to hear shit about oh, well, we should respect her, she's beautiful... please, don't make me throw up in my mouth.  I personally don't like her (or her old man) and she didn't need to be there and make the Best Picture award all about HER.  And she did, from what I saw.

And speaking of politician jerks...  I cannot stand any of them.  From the top down, whether Democrat or Republican.  Don't tell me how hard you work, yet have this nation facing the 'sequestration' shit you didn't think would happen.  Get your sorry simple ASSES to work and get this done.  And don't tell me you are working at it.  Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining.

Until you asshat politicians get your shit together, not a single one of you should be paid, get any benefits, medical coverage, free rides (like I'm sure the first 'lady' got, oh wait, it wasn't free, WE paid) or any other perks.  Get your jobs done.  And I really don't want to hear anybody tell me who made it this way.  The point is it IS this way and these so called representatives of the people need to straighten it out NOW.  If there is a small faction of your idiot politicians who WANT this done, it doesn't seem you're making any noise about it.  YELL.  SCREAM.  The squeakiest wheel gets the oil first.

Ok, I feel better now that I've gotten that out of my system.  You may now resume whatever you were doing before this.  :)  Thank you.