The only thing we both dreaded... flying. Let me be clear. I am not afraid to fly, but rather after today, afraid that I'll commit murder either getting to the plane or getting off the plane. It's the people who fly, who think they are the only people in the plane or on the face of the earth that make me livid.
Donna and I have decided that if we ever have any say in how an airline should be run, and how to make things easier for all concerned, the following rules will apply, with no exceptions:
1. There will be a STRICT carry on bag policy. You will be allowed ONE small bag. It will need to fit under the seat in front of you. That's because there will be NO overhead compartments in which to cram your 500 pounds of shit.
2. There will be NO charge for checking your bags, so you won't be lugging them into the cabin. However, if you dare to bring a bag that doesn't fit under the seat onto a plane, you will be charged $100.00 on the spot AND it will be checked anyway. You will pay for inconveniencing everyone who obeyed the rules. Don't want to pay? You and your shit get kicked off the plane. Too bad for you.
3. You will NOT be able to lounge your seat into the personal space of the person behind you. There isn't enough room on the damn plane as it is, and now this inconsiderate ass in front of you has to be a jerk. The seats on our airline will NOT move. You will just have to sit up straight for the flight. Don't like it? Wah. Yeah, there's always USeless Air or one of the other ripoffs.
I cannot stand the fact that the airlines do NOT abide by or enforce their own carry on bag rules. People drag huge bags onto planes, hold up everyone else when they try to cram them into the overheads. There's never enough room in them to allow for every inconsiderate buffoon to stuff his or her shit in there. But they will stand there in the middle of the aisle, and try. They will stand there, holding everyone up, and powerlift a huge suitcase, duffel bag, skateboards, strollers and every other kind of crap you can think of in those compartments. And then insist on opening and slamming them 40 times.
When you go to get off the plane (and believe me, after any flight there is nothing you want more than to get OFF that effin' plane) of course the aforesaid inconsiderate buffoons have to wrestle their damn shit OUT of the compartment, yet again holding everyone up who abided by the carry on rule.
I don't understand why, even if airlines charge for the bags, the convenience isn't worth the money - not to have to lug the shit to the gate, put it on the plane, wrestle it to the compartment, get it down, hold everyone up, drag it out, all the way through the terminal. All just to avoid... paying the money? The baggage claim? Sorry I just don't get it. You can't afford it? Well, you paid for the damn ticket and probably stood in some sorry ass line for a $7.00 Starbucks coffee because you had to be at the airport two hours early.
And last but certainly not least... someday some airplane builder will realize that a 14 inch seat does not comfortably accomodate a 20 inch butt. And two feet of space in front of you couldn't possible accomodate a 6'4" person with any degree of comfort. So you cram yourself into this tiny space, then the effin' jerk in front of you has to put the seat all the way back. This puts the back of his seat not even a foot from your face, making it impossible to put your tray down or comfortably read.
In closing, I have found that at least half of the air travelers I have seen are stuck up, inconsiderate, self centered a-holes who think they are the only ones on the plane, and don't give a damn about anyone else's comfort or time.
So if you are an offender of any of the above, don't expect to fly on MY airline. And stay out of my way.
Rant over (for now).
And make showers required before get on the plane. Just like a pool. If we can smell you as you walk by, it's gonna be miserable to share a plane with you.
ReplyDeleteAlso please no drunk people and loud talkers! I've flown with my kids and they are better behaved than some of these supposed adults!
I agree. There was a guy or girl about 7 rows ahead of me that probably hadn't bathed in a month. Even the flight attendants whispered to one another to "take a deep breath" before they got to the row!
DeleteAnd I will say that there was a little girl with her parents in the seats across from us. She couldn't have been more than two or three. The parents kept her occupied with books, and an Ipad. She didn't even make a sound but for a giggle every now and then. I made a point of complimenting her as we waited for the inconsiderate boors to unload their stuff from the crammed overheads!