On the "Academy Awards"....

It's been awhile since I really ranted about anything.  I'm going to skip the whole "winter weather" shit because I'm tired of it all, and am SO over this winter.

I'd love to see the Philadelphia Flower Show...  at least it would be a sight of Spring.

 Anyway, tonight are the "Oscars"... I will be DVRing it because I hate all the extra stupid crap the presenters have to go through, and the commercials.  Will probably get through the whole show in under an hour. Watch Ellen, skip all the shit till Pink performs, then pause and rewind to see what the bitches are wearing and look at the hot guys. (We DVR American Idol and get through it in less than 15 minutes and still hear all the singers.)

Now if you really follow any of these so-called "stars" or care about what any of them think or feel, or otherwise give two shits about who wins, and/or are easily offended.... STOP READING NOW.

Personally, I don't think there is a "star" left... the big, real, genuine Hollywood Stars are all gone.  (Clark Gable, Charlton Heston, Cary Grant, Vivien Leigh, Bette Davis, Richard Burton, Joan Crawford, Hedy Lamarr, Liz Taylor, John Garfield, June Allyson, Robert Mitchum, Burt Lancaster, Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire.  They were REAL Stars.)

If I really thought any of them cared, or I had anything to do with this "show"... I would have some rules.

Before the rules, I will say that I really like and admire Ellen DeGeneres.  I think she is a good person who is funny, and does a lot of good things for people.  I like her show, too.  It is a pity she will have to read the idiotic shit written by somebody's sixth grader.  

RULES:  NO exceptions unless you are one of the real Stars coming back from the dead...

1.  Refrain from heavy drinking/drug use before going to the ceremony, and at least LOOK like you want to be there.

2.  You have money, for the love of Beelzebub, go GET YOUR HAIR DID. If you're a guy, and you want to carry off the 'scruffy' look, please at least make it a clean scruffy look. You can look scruffy and still look sexy. All you gotta do is look like you took a bath. And for pete's sake, BUY A MIRROR and use it.  If you want to wear a strapless gown, maybe you should make sure you have something to hold it up with, and make sure you don't keep having to hike it UP every five seconds. If you think a deep vee-neck gown showing your boobs being flattened down is attractive, look again. It's NOT.

3.  Have the writers refrain from the cornball shit that could have been written by somebody's junior high kid.  Nobody needs to see you fake flirt with your co-presenter.  You're an ACTOR, at least act like you want to be there.  ACT a little dignified even if you aren't.

4.   Introduce presenters. Presenter, get up there, read the damn nominees without pretending YOU'RE going for the Oscar. Cameraman, pan the audience for the nominees. Presenter, announce the winner without the pregnant "American Idol" pause. We don't need it. Winner: get up, wave to everyone, go to podium, accept your award graciously, smile, wave, say Thank You and GO SIT DOWN.

5.  Try to remember that almost no one, at least I, don't give a shit who you voted for.  I don't want to hear how much you love the Obamas, Kennedys, or hate the Bushes.  I don't care if you love every politician and have slept with half of them. I don't care to hear about your views on gun control, how much you hate conservatives, immigration, the economy, the deficit, gay marriage or anything. Just say "Thank you" in less than 25 words, and GO SIT THE F**K DOWN.

This would make the Oscars so much more watchable.  Cut the shit, let the singers sing, let the presenters present.  This show, like American Idol, can be cut by a few hours if they would just let it run without all the inane badly written 'comedy'.

And there you have it... I feel much better.  And I'm sure at least some people agree.  Goodnight.

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